Bullying has become an increasingly hot topic of conversation within the last few years. It has always been an issue that needs to be addressed but in recent times, the incidences of bullying, both on a small scale and large scale, have increased dramatically.
For many years of my life, I was bullied by several different people. Some of whom were family and others who were my peers, colleagues, customers and even patients. For most people who have been bullied significantly, it can be an exhausting and frustrating process especially when it is so difficult to see or understand why it’s happening. There are a number of times in our global history that illustrate when bullying, on a large scale, impacted the planet as a whole and left many unanswered questions. One of those times was The Holocaust. It was a huge tragedy, not only for Jews but for another 6 million people who were part of it. The Holocaust left the Jewish world, as whole, with many questions about why this happened and where was God in all of this. People, today, are still asking questions and still wanting to know the answers and the only serenity that we can provide is that there must have been a reason and it is beyond us to understand or know why.
After years of self-discovery and self-development, it became apparent that there is an actual answer to bullying, despite how it is directed, where it is directed or the scale in which it is directed. I, like many others in this world, was searching for an answer to why I had become a victim of bullies. Nothing had ever satisfied me and I will still having to face this problem without any resolve or solution. Thankfully, I was directed by a colleague to attend a seminar by Dr John F. Demartini who is a human behavioural specialist. He has studied over 200 disciplines, read over 29,000 texts and has pioneered a unique approach that helps people achieve what they’d love in their lives. He calls this approach The Demartini Method.
I discovered that there is a scientifically validated approach to understanding bullying and transforming it, not eradicating it. Through Dr Demartini’s work, he has found that when people are addicted to support, safety, over-protection and acknowledgement from others, they will attract the opposite traits, in a bully, to break their addiction. He states “The more you are addicted to safety, the more juvenile dependent you become. In response, you will attract a bully to break your addiction, to set you free to become independent and to stand up for what and who you are.” Nelson Mandela, one of the worlds most prolific leaders made this statement after being imprisoned and racially bullied for 27 years, “I am who I am both as a result of people who respected me and helped me, and of those who did not respect me and treated me badly.”
The bully serves you by waking you up to the unrealistic expectations and fantasies you create for yourself and breaks you of your juvenile dependency. If you are trying to protect your façade, the image of the bully will break through the façade, take off the mask and will force you to face the truth about yourself and become more real, self-confident and empowered in who you truly are.
Kenneth L. Pierce, a board certified psychologist for 30 years discusses that there is common sense and science that relates to bullying. He states that bullying is not new and is never, ever going to go away. He also mentions that there are at least 7 ways in which bullying can manifest: spiritual bullying (act this way or suffer damnation), mental bullying (act this way or I won’t love you), vocational bullying (act this way or I will punish you), financial bullying (act this way or I won’t share my wealth), familial bullying (act this way or I will disown you), social bullying (act this way or I will reject you) and physical bullying (act this way or I will hurt you).Lastly, he asserts that bullying is a tool each of us uses ourselves, directly or indirectly, according to someone in the past.
The science behind bullying has been in existence as long as the universe has existed. Kenneth discusses the science behind bullying in the following ways: “First, bullying, like all things, including relationships, must comply with the first law of thermodynamics – the law of the conservation of energy. This law states that matter and energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed. This simply means communication is an energy exchange. Second, bullying must also comply with the law of symmetry. This law states our universe is always in a state of balance or equilibrium from subatomic particles all the way up to galaxy clusters. This simply means that bullying is an event with a negative and positive charge counterbalancing each other in a dynamic equilibrium. Third, positive and negative charges attract each other to restore the equilibrium which is fundamental to the universe. This simply means the bully and the bullied are unconsciously attracted to each other to serve the evolution of both parties and indeed our entire species.”
So, as you can see, it appears that bullying in all its forms has always been part of life. Bullying is here to serve human beings by helping us learn vital lessons for our survival and evolution. What that means is that the bully and the bullied are in a dance with each other and are unconsciously drawn to each other so each can learn important lessons about themselves and the world. It means that the bully is there to learn respect for others while the bullied is there to learn respect for themselves.
I utilise this approach with my clients and this is the stance I would take when asked how I would handle bullying and cultural indifference. Punishing and overprotecting disempowers both sides and unfortunately will perpetuate the bullying cycle for longer. Instead, it would be wise to educate both sides and show each of them how they are serving each other towards achieving their true purpose. One would need only to review how our own bully experiences have both cost and benefited us to see the truth in this. Whether that be looked at on a large scale or smaller scale, the same philosophy applies.